How is your walk with the Lord. Let me tell you about a time when Peter needed some correction from Paul about drifting from a message of Grace and falling into the trap of rules and works. The Gospel should effect how we live (humble, graceful an in truth) not bound to a set of rules.
We have deep desires and passions and we need to look to Jesus to fulfill them. In your marriage chose ministry over manipulation. Make some practical rules about how you resolve conflict before you are in one.